Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
