idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
BRING THE BAGELS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
