I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
