need another drink. this is the easiest way
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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