When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
