i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
