like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
