Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
