My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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