I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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