I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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