I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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