apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
