Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
