I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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