I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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