no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
