you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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