I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
