Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
