he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have demons in me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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