Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it because I queefed?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
