We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
