it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
