There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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