This girl is more easily done than said...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
