sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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