I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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