The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
