Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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