It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
