he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Text me some of your sweat
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
