I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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