I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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