I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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