why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
