How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
