I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
