YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
