she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
