Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
