i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
