I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
