There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
