I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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