My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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