It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
