I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
