He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
