just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
