threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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