I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
